Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
