Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
