You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
