God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
