THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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