shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
