look no pants
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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