i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
