saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
