Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
