Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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