Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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