And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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