guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
