My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
