Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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