i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
