Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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