Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
