Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
