So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
