Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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