there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
