I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
