I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
