I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
