I want to walk on stilts...naked
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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