That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
