My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
