Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
