Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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