This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
