When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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