they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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