Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
