This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
