Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My cat gives me a boner
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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