If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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