This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
