I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
