and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
