She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
