Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She needs sedatives and a leash
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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