He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
