she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
