She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
