someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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