Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
