pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
