There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize