Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize