hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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