im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
