mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
